Published 2026-09-02
tag(s): #useless-facts #random-thoughts
(Por razones que no puedo explicar, este post tiene que ser en inglés.
A pesar de que la historia de mi primer tatuaje fue en español. Y a pesar de que ambos
están irremediablemente relacionados, ya que los hice uno después del otro.
No tengo una explicación profunda. Es como es)
The decision get a tattoo when I turned 40 was made a few months before the momentous
occasion. María helped me pick a design. However I put it off for over 3 years.
And I say so because I was really determined. The design chosen matters a lot to me.
But that one didn't end up being my first tattoo. The first one is the
one I got of my
sister on the same day, right before. I don't know if I would have taken the step on my
own...but that's the story of that other post.
By the way, it is in Spanish, but there's a pic at the bottom, if you are
curious.[1]
After getting the line drawing of my sis, I felt confident that I could handle the one I was supposed to get all along...and here it is, in this freshly-snapped picture:
Why was I so sure to get this on my skin "for good"? Because I like it, of course.
=P
But yes, there are more powerful reasons why this combination hit me emotionally. Some of them
I actually discovered after deciding on the design.
I literally love this show. For three reasons.
The simplest one, is that it was my first anime. By that I mean, one I watched knowing that it
was Japanese animation, which until that point I avoided (once I was old enough to know the
cartoon was Japanese, of course. Long, but true, story).
Second reason, as unhealthy as its representation of idealized love is, I can't deny that it
was hugely influential on me.
Yes, sure, we can't chalk it all up to Sailor Moon. There was also the 90s Disney princesses.
And during my teen years I consumed an unhealthy amount of rom-coms
(as previously
discussed).
But I can remember the day and time of the first time I watched That Elevator Episode, where Mamoru/Darien dies and a single tear from Usagi/Serena creates the Silver Crystal (I am a real nerd...but not enough type from memory the Japanese name for the crystal).[2] And then they visit the Moon Kingdom and we found out their souls reunited across space and time to be together again. 💖
Other core-memory highlights include the last episode of the Amazon Trio in Super S, and the proposal episode in Sailor Stars. A lot of idealized, perfect romance. I have no regrets, by the way. It is better to have idealized, and then spent a lot of money in therapy to learn to build realistic relationships, than to have never idealized, I say.
But that still couldn't completely explain my deep love for this silly media thing. Until a
few months ago, when I
read this
Discard Pile post.
I will be honest, he goes onto describe euphoria and other feelings that I don't identify
with.
But I can 100000% relate to the "you are a cis dude and like girly things" part.
My first Sailor Moon episode, was a completely comedic one. Most of the gang gets a cold, and
Minako and Chibiusa (try to) take care of them. I laughed so much.
And I couldn't help but continue watching. Ashamed. I was 13/14 and this was a girls
show. The horror!
Fast forward a couple years later, when I asked my then girlfriend
to tape me Card Captor Sakura, since I was at high school on weekdays at 4pm.
That's how much Sailor Moon changed things for me. That's what it helped me discover about
myself, about what I like, about who I am.
Yes, it is still a kids TV show. But timing matters, and I was a kid when I found it. :)
I alluded to this in this space before, but I dealt with anxiety attacks for some long months,
maybe up to year. Hard to tell time during that blurry period. I couldn't recognize them as
such for a while, so there's also that.
Back then, my marriage was falling apart, in slow motion. I lived in another country, so I was
dealing with this mostly alone. Yes, I had friends via messaging, and it helped a lot, but it
isn't quite the same.
I kept wondering what would happen if things really fell apart - then what? emigrate back?
stay? During that time, I was doing therapy, dealing with all these things. Learning to cope,
to survive what was happening.
Some time later, after lots of changes and healing, it was time to look back at what brought
me to that point of anxiety.
And of course, it was a combination of things: my avoidance of conflict, of uncomfortable
moments, for starters. My way of managing expectations, not only for others, but also for
myself. A deeply rooted difficulty figuring out what I really need, instead of what I think I
need, simply because I couldn't sit with my feelings and thoughts for long.
And that last one connects again with the first one - avoiding conflict doesn't mean only
externally, but also within myself.
So despite how trite the yin-yang symbol is at this point, I really feel I "get it". I
had to make a very conscious process to accept that I need to deal with negative feelings as
they come, and that they are as valid as the positive ones.
And in the years since (probably as an overreaction... 🙂) I see the same pattern in, well,
mostly everything. Trade offs and balance, everywhere!
As I dealt recently with conflicting thoughts, more than once I looked at my right arm and had a reminder that everything has more than one side, nothing is black and white, pure good or evil. Life is a bit more subtle than that.
(I also had a reminder that there's someone I can always talk to in my left arm 😉)