Published 2026-02-24
tag(s): #link-post #random-thoughts
I've been a little disconnected from writing lately. In part because I was entertained with a
game, and books, but also for an unknown reason. Writer's block?
It's not like I didn't have post ideas. Or things that I felt like saying out loud.
Anyway...here we are now.
Quite a few days ago I read "I didn't fail" by
Kev Quirk. It resonated with me in a few ways.
I didn't have the experience of explicitly stepping down as he did. But after my last time as
a manager and then (pseudo manager/team lead) for about 3 years or so, when the time came
to find my next job, I knew I totally wanted to be an "individual contributor".
By the way I hate that moniker. But, you know. Simplest way to say what I wanted to say.
And since then I've avoided (if possible) to take on anything above that level.
I will be honest, sometimes I miss aspects of leading a team. I would like to think (citation
needed, from people who worked under me, I guess) that my teams were fun and we got a lot of
shit done. We all learned, and I tried to make room for everyone to be their best selves. Of
course I also made my fair share of mistakes, and faced a number of challenges.
Another thing I miss is the part of figuring out stuff when someone in your group is stuck in
some task. Naturally you only are asked get involved with the "fun" (difficult and/or
annoying) problems. And those are the most satisfactory to solve, when you bounce ideas
together to crack a challenge.
Then again, where I am now I do get involved in a lot of that kind of problems, but
informally. So I get to skip the boring parts of leading a team. :D
Speaking of which, I don't miss the 100% managerial stuff: office
politics[1], anything to do with compensation[2],
performance reviews. That kind of thing.
I know anything above a team lead level is work I can do, but I am skirting the limit
of my abilities, and I am definitely not at my happiest.
Kev talks about the ego aspect of it, and I am surprised I never thought of that. When I ran teams, I was always very protective of "my people" ("my"?) and with his post I realized that this (usually) positive attitude, probably came from a place of ego.
There is another side to not being a lead or manager, but having had that experience in the
past: it really sucks when you can tell whoever is playing that role, is doing a terrible job
at it. I am grateful it is not the case where I am now.[3]
Sometimes it is just not their thing, despite the best intentions. Other times they simply run
teams with a philosophy that is counter to my own. Yet others they simple are bad leads.
Whatever the case, the ego usually shows up saying "I could run this thing better than
X". A couple times in the past I had to remind myself that if I really believe that, then
I should go back to those roles.
But there's a reason I don't...................