Published 2025-08-07
tag(s): #random-thoughts
I was listening to a Mike Birbiglia interview on a podcast, can't remember which one[1], and something he said stuck with me, paraphrasing a bit:
On stage, I am relaxed because I am in control. Outside of that environment, I am a mess, anxious and intense.
And it resonated with me, thinking immediately of my 20s and how I used to tell friends
that I wish I had the calm and collectedness I have at work, in my personal life
.
But I never connected that with this idea that I was more in control in one place versus the
other.
And thinking a bit more about it, the periods that I was relaxed when working back then, were
the ones where I was just programming, or leading a small team. The more I moved up the ladder
into managerial-adjacent roles, the less I felt that calm and confidence.
Nowadays, and for a few years now, I've been in an "individual contributor" role. It was
a nice thought exercise to imagine that if I were again in a position like those I despised so
much, I would fare better - because I am more mature and calm in general nowadays.
But the only way to know for sure would be to try it, and I have no interest right now, I
think.
I also followed this train of thought into the past. I think one of the many reasons I was attracted to software from an early age was that, unlike building things in the physical world (where I tend to suck[2], with software I could build and rebuild, until I got it right. And I could do it on my own, away from the shameful gaze of others. And because I kept trying and repeating until I learned enough to feel confident, I made software my stage.
There you go...the guy that relates everything to software and programming did it again. Thank you, and good night.