Published 2024-12-05
tag(s): #random-thoughts
This weekend I am going on a short trip to Houston to meet up with a friend.
It's my first solo travel since 2012. That was the first time I was in the US, for work, and
then stayed one more week on vacation.[1]
I've traveled, in the most literal sense of the word, alone since then. A couple times the rest of the family went to Argentina and I joined them a week or two later, flying on my own.
But this is the first time since getting married (also in 2012) that I visit a place without my wife or son, so it feels momentous. I know my wife has wanted this for me for a while now, and rather than for the sitcom-esque reason of getting me out of the house[2], it is because she has traveled on her own a couple times, to visit friends or family, and thinks it will be a healthy experience for me.
It might seem like a minor thing on the surface, but I grew with a very narrow conception of family, which included being together all the time as a pre-requisite. And as a quite anxious and insecure person[3] the idea that I will go away on my own to...have fun? and not "have" to care for the needs of everyone around me, is a bit...unnerving? Uncomfortable even?
But I've (hopefully) grown enough, and (surely) done enough therapy to realize the dynamic of my own family is what we want to build for ourselves, mostly my wife and I, and there's more ways to have a "happy family" than the one I grew up in (the use of quotes there was very intentional).
And I want to model a different kind of family for my son, so he is not imbued with the idea
that he needs to care for everyone around him, or that the health of his relationships depend
exclusively in spending the most time together and never being apart.
But rather that he should be an his own person, healthy and happy, and then decide
how to share his time with others, not because of "needs" or "to be accepted" but because he
just wants to.
OK, I feel like I mixed a few topics up there...but at the same time I would expect a potential reader to sort of "get" where I am coming from and why this is an interesting experience, for me.
Perhaps the biggest sign of growth is that instead of worrying about leaving the family
behind, or being concerned about what they'll do without me, I am actually looking forward to
long conversations with my friend. Having a chill, very latin-american-ish dinner 2.5 hours
dinner with introspective topics.
Also quite concerned about which games I will play on the Steam Deck during the flights. LOL.